doudsville

i wasn't sane in high school.

actually, i don't think i really got a good tight hold upon my sanity until i was like 24 years ripe...and even then, there were lapses.  but i digress. back to high school. i remember being terribly bummed that i was hopelessly doomed to be numbered among the "uncool". that's right, i'll admit it.  hear this, 2010! i WANTED to be cool in high school.  i tried real hard even.  and here's where we come back to the questioning of my 15 year self's sanity.

in my mind, there were two barriers to cooldom.  please.  do read on:

barrier number one: poway high school emerald brigade. the band. yeah, you know the one.  found marching all about, getting special seating during football games....clad in those hats with the chinstrap, and the polyester uniforms complete with tuxedo stripes up the legs. bandos. THAT band. i was a full fledged member and none too happy about it. i seriously think i spent my entire and illustrious high school career terrified that the wrong people would find out i was in the band.

barrier to coolness number two: i was mormon. now i know that i may just have put the many two mormon readers of this blog a little ill-at-ease....because at THIS juncture in my life, i'm sure it is very uncool for me to admit that there was a time where my religion was considered, by me, to be somewhat of a sickness on par with playing flute in the marching band.  i remember thinking to myself, even if i WASN'T in the band....i'll still always be mormon.

so what's my point?  good question.  i didn't really have an objective when i started this little babble.  i was just sitting here in my bed, spying via facebook on the YW (mormon young ladies...age 12-18ish) i used to teach at church before we moved here, and to be honest i was worrying about them just a little.  and then my itunes party shuffle spit out a recording of yours truly playing the flute....and it just got me thinking about myself...and everyone else...and how nuts we all are during different times of our lives (please reference "barriers to coolness" above).  and how you just can never guess where somebody else is at in their brain.  and that realization, the realization that perception and reality can be so disparate....leads me to the thought that listening is the key.  less talking, more listening.  and not more listening with an aim to persuade; more listening with intention to understand.  because life with a kid seems far more consequential than life without one.  and i gotta figure all this stuff out before she starts walking, right!?

anyways...scroll down.  that's me down there.  well, actually that's my parents' cat, but the sound is me.  okay so that's not quite true either.  the piano is a robot.  it's furnished by an accompaniment software program i tried a few years ago.  the FLUTE; that's me.  that's me well past my prime, throwing a recording down in an attempt to woo greg when we were dating.  it's rough...and frankly difficult to listen to at points, but he got the message and i snagged him.  just don't tell him i played in high school:)

ps - i feel like i'm channeling jerry maguire in this post.  his "memo"?  maybe.